Oooh, oooh we feel woozy!!! Slowly and tentatively us two boobies begin to wake again... Mamma PB said we'd only be asleep for a little while but it feels like we've been gone for hours or maybe even days! I’m awake but I can't move or flop, jiggle or even feel my nipple! So slowly and tentatively I glance over at boob 2 who is whimpering quietly and mumbling something about being trussed up like a Christmas turkey (oh and just so you know, she's called Nork and I’m named Nindy and we were christened by our new GodMamma Nork @Mandajjennings)!
At first glance I literally don't recognise Nork who looks so very, very different from when I saw her last! She’s bruised, battered and covered in bandages, but oh my... she is now so plump, pert, perky, proud and any other 'P' words I can think of! I begin to quiver in anticipated excitement and take a glance at myself! I’m everything that Nork is ....and more (well I've always been the better looking boobie with a more symmetrical shape and magnetic personality!) So I smile to myself, us boobies are gonna be truly fabulous and I can't wait for Mamma PB to cop a feel!
It’s at this point I have my epiphany moment! We have well and truly been re-born...praise be to the Lord, well the surgeon to be precise and our old life before (when we were good, kind and hard working boobies) has paid dividends. From now on we will go forth as truly boobtastic' boobs, restored to our former glory and holding our heads high (unaided) in fact we simply can't wait to begin our next chapter!
So back on the ward, as threatened Mamma has been moved from the private room to a ward, I mean a ward with other boobs, what an outrage! Poor Mamma is so sleepy, dizzy and feeling sickly, to the point where even Mr PB has given up trying to make conversation and decided to let us all doze. Us boobies though, so very tired and sore are still ever so desperate for Pappa PB to sneak a peek at the new us! (And by the twinkle in his eye we can tell he is too) however sadly he has to refrain from a 'groping' session until another time, seeing as Mamma is now unconscious again!
As Mamma settles down to rest and recover over the next 24 hrs, Nork and I also take the chance to chill, all happy and snugly and up close and personal now to Mamma's..... chin! We know we are gonna be loved and cherished even more than before. In fact we’re sure that soon we’ll be adorned with all the latest skimpy, delicate, non-industrial bras and spaghetti strap vest tops she can find....yeehar!! As we rest, it’s true we are both incredibly giddy with thoughts of this new life and so begin planning how to realise our re-birth dreams....
Now I’ve decided that we both need a goal to aim for, you know something to focus on during our recovery. Mamma PB always says it helps with motivation and I think she's right. After much morphine induced consideration, I have decided that I'd like to sky dive, bungee jump and run a half marathon....all without the constraints of 3 industrial size and strength support sports bras! I want to feel the thrill of adrenalin rush through my bouncy young breast and rouse my nipple..... well just ever so slightly ! To feel the fresh air wafting through my 'medium' impact shock absorber running bra and to enjoy my new view from the now elevated position as Mamma runs through the countryside, all springy and light and un-elephant like! Nork on the other hand has decided that she is just glad to no longer be hanging down like a spaniel’s ear around mamma knees and having to put up with the ever so slightly manky belly button fluff, you know the sort which seems to occasionally attach itself to her (for the avoidance of doubt, Mamma is not in the least bit manky, but hey come on we've all found the odd occasional bit of fluff, hair, piece of hubba bubba or small vole nesting inside.....haven't we)?
So the next two days pass in a haze of prodding, poking, bp and temperature checks, nurses, doctors and every other interruption that a hospital stay includes. It seriously isn't an atmosphere conducive to a peaceful recovery! But Nork and I are feeling much better and in the patient toilet we finally have the 'big reveal' to Mr PB, Miss C and Little Miss H! Ok so I realise that it’s not the most glamorous of venues for such a long awaited exhibition, but even without the red carpet, paparazzi and a spattering of Z list celebs, it is a positively marvellous moment none the less! Mamma gasps, no word of a lie and Mr PB smiles whilst trying to suppress a giggle, somewhat like that of a naughty school boy caught looking at page 3! Miss C and Little Miss H stare opened mouthed at the sheer transformation of us boobies, we look truly radiant and Miss C points out we look like 'implants' but in a good way and natural! So for a while, Nork and I are caressed (albeit very gently) and admired by all the PB's so with pleasure cursing through us and self-love having been restored, we know even with the long recovery in front of us, this journey will be the best and most rewarding we've ever taken. Funnily enough, they all notice that Mamma's tan lines from last summer’s swimming costume have now moved and are instead up around her neck! At this she heads immediately for her makeup bag to dig out the foundation and slaps it all over in an attempt to even out her skin tone!
Later on during the day after our 'reveal' Mamma is visited by the hospital physiotherapist, who just so happens to be a fit, 20 yr something young man! Do Nork and I really need to be told how to do our breast exercises by this hunky vision in a white coat.......hell YES, course we do! So sticking our perfect newly formed mounds forward, we put on our best show and say 'Hello Boys'! Now Mamma PB is of an age where she no longer has any self dignity concerning medical matters left (giving birth kind of stripped her of that) so us performing for Dave (said Physio) is a walk in the park for us all. Dave however seems a little out of his comfort zone and doesn't look either Nork or I in the eye! Poor Dave I'm sure he'd much rather be going through recovery exercises for a premiership footballer, rather than 'how to look after your breasts following reduction surgery' with our 40yr old Mamma!
So armed with lots of information, us boobies take a delicate stroll around the ward, pretending to do our therapy exercises but in reality with only a spying mission on our minds! You see from Mamma's bed, she has quickly noticed another new pair of twins who are just back from surgery themselves! Seeing this, all of a sudden Nork is beginning to feel all 'competitive' Now this is something that neither of us has ever felt before! Hmmm, there are 'new boobs on the block’! What do the they look like? Could they be more perfect than us? As Mamma is nosey by nature so we're bound to be curious and off we stroll over to the 'new boobs bed' ....
From our experience and knowing that the owner of the new boobs is two days behind us in recovery time, I'm confident we can swoop by her bed, take a long hard look at her breasts (all with a healthy interest in research, obviously and in no way in a stalker-ish manner!) then simply glide away, gently bouncing as Mamma walks. Anyway, on the slim chance this lady stirs to find Mamma, Nork and I, leering at her 'twins' with a concentrated (probably lunatic) expression on our faces, Mamma will calmly tell her she's just having a morphine induced hallucination ! It's plausible and in fact happened to Mamma!
Now as it happens, when this lady awakes, the reality is that she really is very sweet and soon Mamma and her get chatting. Needless to say that within minutes of us meeting, Nork and I are being exhibited to her new 'twins' who in fairness are also looking awesome! As Mamma chats, there is much mutual appreciation, admiring and ok maybe just a little bit of boob on boob action....NO not that (minds out of gutters readers)! Just some simple squeezing, stroking and comparing ;-) ! Competitive as ever, it’s fair to say I rise to the challenge, after all I’m always eager to show off and even ask if they want me to perform a recital....did I mention I am an accomplished musician. But Mamma decides that enough is enough and so she reins me in and retreats to her bed, 'I think we all need a little nap ' she announces!
And so with thoughts of our brand new life, one which will hopefully be filled with new experiences and challenges and with thoughts of our hope and dreams filling our heads, we leave hospital. Mamma PB walks (albeit very gingerly) with her head and shoulders up high and her back straight and we all feel lighter, reawakened and restored! We are now entering a brand 'new world' and I don't think we shall ever look back !
This post is dedicated to the following Twitter pals who never failed to cheer me up, make me smile and who cared enough to ask how I was doing. Thank you all with lots of love xxxx
@MandaJJennings @The_Last_Slayer @smilechickie @oohloobylou @mishcousin @animagic21 @NotSoSlummy @missingsleep @lovelyleosmummy @TheFoolTweets @Mrs_Rev @poppyredifa @citygirlnomore @alittlemisfit @lagosMum,@MistySrsly,@cheetahinshoes,@farfromhomemama,@MinistryOfMum,@ChrisBucklin and @JudeyWudey