Saturday, 31 December 2011

Resolutions for 2012 & Beyond ...Well Maybe !

Well as I sit here on the eve of New Year 2012 I'm thinking how sad and down in the dumps I am ! I hate New Years Eve, always have to be honest. You see I love Christmas so much that Dec 31st just reminds me that all the sparkle, excitement and anticipation of Christmas is over and done with ! January has always felt like the start of another long haul, back to work, school, college, rubbish weather and 'normal' food and drink ( I want champagne and chocolates and twiglets ALL YEAR ROUND ! ) Then there's the world and their (puggle) dog banging on about New Years Resolutions ! Am I interested? NO ! Do I think you'll all more than likely fail at keeping them...YES.  Do I ever make any...NEVER ! But then I begin to wonder...... what if I make resolutions which I may have a fighting chance of actually sticking to, then I will be able to make 2012 my year of achievement and champion myself as an example to all others who fail to keep theirs ! So here you go and after much consideration I came up with my list ( approximately 10 mins whilst sipping coffee in Krispy Kreme Doughnuts)

  1. Maintain my current weight albeit 3-4 lbs over the 'ideal' for my height ! I am refusing to diet and torture myself, I'm too old to deny myself the lovely yummy things that I enjoy. Besides I received a Christmas card from my local curry house, one of the few 'actual' cards that was posted through my door and not sent via e-mail. I'm not giving that up, and if I stop visiting them on a Sat night, I'll definitely be off the 2012 card list !
  2. Drink more alcohol ! I'm only little about 5ft and I always find myself thinking it doesn't take much to get me drunk, but have I really tried ? No ! I am so gonna give it a proper go next year. I reckon if I practice I'll be able to hold much more than 3 rum and diet cokes and not fall over or throw up ! Besides if everything in the world is either animal, vegetable or mineral and alcohol is definitely not animal or mineral, then it has to be a vegetable and therefore one of your five a day..... along with fruit pastels !
  3. Cancel my gym membership ! It will come as no surprise to you that I hardly ever go and even when I do it's only to meet Mr Poshbird after he's played squash. So by cancelling I can save myself £35 per month and all the extra cash I spend drinking coffee in the gym cafe.
  4. Continue my current success at severely embarrassing my teenage daughter! I've excelled at this over 2011 and I've no idea how this has come about? As far as I can recall I haven't had to commit to early morning training sessions, restricted diets or rest days? I have been utterly brilliant at it by simply.....existing !
  5. Read less and watch more 'junk' TV ! I need to educate myself on the ins and outs of 'celebrity' lives, ie Kerry Katona, Katie Price and any other BB house mate or X Factor contestant. I've felt at such a disadvantage when reading a magazine, newspaper or watching telly and not knowing what the hell people were talking about !
  6. Spend more time with loved ones and friends......BUT NO TIME with the people I don't like or who annoy me , bore me or take advantage of me ! Life is too short and I'm not going to waste a moment of it with people who don't deserve my time and effort !
  7. ? probably not !
  8. Finally I'm going to start smoking !!!!! I've led a life of abstinence when it comes to smoking ( well most things really ) so I NEED a vice ! something to waste my money on, which allows me to take 'free' breaks at work every hour and enter the special outdoor area of the pub where the smokers have a TV outside on the wall ! I want to huddle in a wet, rainy, freezing corner puffing on my ciggy with my co-smokers and feeling like I truly belong ;)

So there you have them, my goals for 2012 ! Are they achievable ? Am I being serious? Who knows? ! However if you are going to make New Years Resolutions then I wholeheartedly wish you every success in achieving them and also my best wishes for 2012.

So what are your resolutions ?? please check out these lovely other bloggers posts :)
Ben at Mutterings of a Fool
Steph at I’m Counting UFOs
Lena at A Mum on a Mission


Thursday, 22 December 2011

'HELP' I've Reached That Age !

So yes I suppose I've been banging on a bit this last week about reaching 40 ! and whilst I don't really care that much, I have started to notice the odd sign that all is not as it was 10 years ago......The changes have been extremely subtle, sneaking up on me with the quiet stealth of a cat out to catch his mousey tea. So it's taken me a while to realise just how my ever advancing years are taking their toll. Here is my 'Help I've Reached That Age' List !!

40yr old me and wannabe Mum to JLS !
  1. My kids have started saying 'gosh don't the days and weeks just fly by'? If my children are realising how quickly time passes then it means they're getting older and that I'm now REALLY old !
  2. Whenever possible (even in bed) I wear the most supportive bra money can buy .....otherwise my boobs could easily be mistaken for spaniels ears....or as Mr Poshbird affectionately calls them 'slate hangers nail bags' !
  3. When reading the Sunday magazine supplement, in all seriousness, I find myself considering buying the elasticated jeans for £19.99.  My desire to feel comfortable over being stylish is becoming a much higher priority when choosing clothes these days!
  4. I now avoid kneeling down at all costs...these days I can't get up without looking like a pissed up, decrepit, crab staggering it's way back from a boozy night in the 'Coach and Seahorses'!
  5. Seeing my 16yr old daughter wearing the 'exact' same outfits that I did back in 1984. I'm soooo old that the 80's fashions from my youth have actually come back around for the second time !
  6. Being told by my kids that it's unacceptable to say certain phrases when speaking, like 'awesomes, totes amaze, well jell, reem and whatever ' !
  7. Saying how 'fit' the JLS boys are, only to be told (again by my kids) how that's 'disgusting and weird and that I could actually be their mother' ! Well I guess they have a fair point :(
  8. I always talk about 'taping' a programme......but what I really mean is Sky Plus - ing it , which I still fully don't understand if I'm honest. I mean how can you actually pause live TV? It's incredible, it's altering time! it's like something out of Dr Who !
  9. Not having any of the techno gadgets everyone else seems to have....iphones, ipads, ipods....all I have is my i..ron !
  10. Going up to bed earlier than my kids, I now frequently go up before my 16yr old and also on the odd occasion even before my 9yr old !
  11. Obsessively checking my handbag before I leave the house to make sure I have my 'readers, gaviscon and windeeze tablets' ! Sad but very true and I can't believe that I've actually admitted to this one !
  12. Learning to 'love' my bunion and purchasing only 'sensible' yet funky shoes/boots. Needless to say I live in DM's and Fitflops.
  13. Whilst camping for the first time last year, Mr Poshbird and I began fantasising about owning a caravan in a few years time and spending all summer touring the UK. WTF ?? It's never sunny here and a caravan would require us to spend long periods of time together, in what's essentially a box on wheels ! Don't old people do this type of thing?!
Miss C 80's style !
OK so this is just weird....Sorry !

So that's it I reckon, well for now ! I'd love to hear what makes you feel old, if you feel like sharing your thoughts with an (old)Poshbird !


Tuesday, 20 December 2011

A dog is for Christmas but absolutely not for Life !

Every year without fail since she was 3 yrs old, a month or so before Christmas, Miss C starts asking for a dog as her present. She's now 16 and so we have endured this relentless pestering for the last 13 Christmases! Now when she was little and still believed in Father Christmas we could just about get away with it by telling her that it was impossible for him to 'deliver' livestock on account of them not fitting in the sleigh or that he had no 'toilet facilities' on board for them. But still each year, without fail, she’d ask!

So once she discovered Santa wasn't real (which hit her hard) not because of the loss of Santa, but more as she realised that the real reason she didn't have a dog was because her parents were just plain and simple....evil liars! Now with this knowledge she began focusing all her efforts towards us instead, using many different and ingenious methods to get us to buy her a dog and to fulfil her very 'basic' need for a canine companionship. In fact she tried all manner of convincers in order to make this happen, like demanding, begging, or telling us she was 'lonely' and sad and therefore a dog would be far easier for us than 'buying' a baby sister or brother!

In an effort to console her, we bought her a myriad of toy dogs that included those that barked, snored and cried if left alone for too long. They came with dog baskets, brushes, play food and collars and leads! However rather than satisfying her desire for a dog, she took her role play as dog owner so seriously that she was convinced it proved to us that she had the ability to care for a real dog.

Sunday, 18 December 2011

Festive and Forty ! ( At Albert's Shed )

A Big Thank You Albert's Shed !

So I’ve finally reached the age of  40!
And I will carry on being ‘naughty',
With a wink of an eye ;)
At the odd passer by
I’m classy but deffo not haughty !

So for dinner it’s off to The Shed,
To be spoilt and hopefully well fed!
It’s named after Albert,
So it says in the advert,
And to there from Deansgate we sped!

Having a Birthday near Christmas is tough,
And being 40 I’m no longer ‘hot stuff’!
But at Albert’s Shed they were ace,
Put a smile on my face,
They simply couldn’t do more than enough.

The service was friendly and polite,
It gave me great excitement for the impending night,
Our waitress was so sweet,
A real South African treat,
She was efficient, smiley and a delight.

The menu looked simply divine,
I perused it whilst sipping my larger and lime,
Once we’d chosen our dish,
Some picked meat, some chose fish,
I sat back and pretended I was still 39!

Albert’s food is second to none,
Delicious and tasty, never overdone,
We left suitable stuffed,
Just enough alcohol not too feel rough,
Albert’s Shed you are my number 1

So we’ll be back to see you next year,
And my gratitude for last night is sincere,
Please say thanks to your staff,
And on the Farrow’s behalf,
Accept this rhyming gift to you all as some festive cheer!






Tuesday, 13 December 2011

Festive and Forty !

So, two weeks till Christmas and I've had a really busy week, what with Christmas shopping, school plays, the school disco, no not mine ( for which I was required to buy a black 70's catsuit for my 9 yr old !) and general 'Mum and wife' stuff. But hey it's all good so far and in the grand scheme of things I'm all ready for Christmas.....well nearly !

But you know what, in 4 days time there's an event which is even more important than the birth of Christ...well anyway it's more important to me, if not the Catholic church. This year, on this Saturday at precisely 12.17am on December 17th 2011 I shall turn the grand old age of 40 ! Now, that's a whopping great decade older than 30 and at the rate time flies by these days, it's only 10 short years from me becoming 50 ! Oh god, how has this happened? How did my babies grow to be 16 and 9 without me even noticing and what's more how will I feel? Am I going to embrace my 40's or instead fear them? Well knowing myself fairly well now (this comes with age) I reckon I'll probably do both, but with a very conscious effort to err on the side of embracement !

Having a Birthday a week before Christmas has always been a little tough. It's just close enough to the 'big day' to be slightly overlooked but then again its not actually Christmas Eve or Christmas Day where everyone makes a special fuss of you out of pity! So try as I might, I always feel a little selfish for wanting a fuss but the sad fact is that my Birthday often slips by without much pomp and ceremony......

Tuesday, 6 December 2011

Seven Secrets !

Ok, so I was recently asked by maidinyorkshire what my seven most precious and closely guarded secrets were. So after much deliberation and hesitation, here they are. These are my seven secrets that absolutley NOBODY knows about me (except Doris the cat).

Hopefully you'll read and enjoy but please, please, please don't tell Mr PB !

Ok so here goes, remember... shhhh!!...

1) I always buy pyjamas with bottoms that look like joggers, this is so that I can shove on a pair of trainers, wear them on the school run, and pretend I’m going straight to the gym after school drop off!

2) I hide ALL the chocolate on the highest shelf of the fridge so my 9-yr. old can’t reach it. Sadly though, she’s now taken to dragging a dining room chair into the kitchen and pilfering it…. any ideas for new hiding places will be gratefully received!
3) When I'm out drinking with my hubby and our friends, I always ask for ready salted or salt and vinegar crisps as these are the only 2 flavours that my hubby doesn’t like! It's not that I'm selfish, it's just that for once it’s lovely to have food that nobody else wants to ‘share’ (hubby) or stick their fingers in to ‘try’ (kids)!

4 ) I regularly buy supermarket clothes (only the classy looking ones, of course) so I can sneak them into my wardrobe and pretend that I’ve had them for years. I mean, hubby need never know just
exactly how much I spend on clothes and hey he can hardly argue with a food shopping bill…however large, can he!

5) I squeeze the toothpaste straight into my mouth and not onto my brush…but I’d never ever do this if I were staying at a friends house…honest!

6) Without doubt, I always head for the most decrepit looking cashier in a supermarket…this is in the vain hope of being asked for ID whilst buying alcohol, painkillers or even cutlery! What's more, it works... I’m 40 in 2 weeks and so far I’ve been asked for id four times this year…RESULT!

7) Sometimes, when emptying my 16yr old daughters wash basket…I just spray her clothes with fabreeze, re fold and plonk them back on her bed…hey they seriously don’t need washing and ironing after being worn for only 5 hours do they! 

Now don't forget... no telling anyone... I trust my secrets are safe with you !!!

Are You In Touch With Your Prehistoric Side?

As mum to 16-yr old Miss C, I can’t deny that life is sometimes extremely difficult and quite often emotional! There are hormones, tantrums, sulking, and fits of uncontrollable tears, many of which are mine and well quite frankly Miss C often looks at me, her poor mum, with an expression of both compassion and mortification on her face! In spite of this and although frequently challenging, living with a teen can also be immense fun, rewarding and on occasion very surprising. Take last week for instance when I found myself having the time of my (prehistoric) life!

Last Monday started much the same as any other evening, that is until Miss C suddenly decided from out of the blue that she was now a Velociraptor! In her pre-historic guise she came bounding into my bedroom with an energy (that I’ve not seen from her for about 2 years) and landed on my bed with a loud squawk! Doris, the cat, dozing quietly on the bed, raised one slitty eye and when realising that Miss C was too big to stalk and kill, promptly nodded back off to sleep. It seems that our feline friend’s reaction wasn’t quite what Miss C was hoping for and so instead I seized the opportunity to join in and bond with my teenage phenomenon!

Miss C, thrilled at my obvious enthusiasm, set about teaching me the basic skills of how to be a realistic Velociraptor (only of course after ‘Googling’ them)…. So off we set, we crouched low, shortened our arms, stuck out our bums and began to peck chicken like about the bedroom. Now I must admit, the Squawk took slightly longer to master (it did however leave me with a raspy/sexy voice, which I kind of liked!) but at last I was ready to showcase my new talents, so off we went to show Mr PB and little Miss H!

Now it’s fair to say that little Miss H was delighted with this unexpected arrival of dinosaurs in the house and needed no cajoling to join in. Soon we were all cavorting around the house totally immersed in our fun and enjoying every second of being a fully fledged ‘dinosaur’ family.  It was then while in full flow, that I stopped and took a step back to see my two children (who normally lead very separate lives due to their 7yr-age gap) ‘playing’ together, just like when they were small.  Now this is a rare and tender moment and the sight of it fills me with immense joy and pride… oh please, please, please don’t let scenes like this, between two very different sisters become ‘extinct’!

Sunday, 4 December 2011

If a deal looks to good to be true…it probably is!

Have you ever wished you hadn’t tried to save a few bob, (and with it the embarrassment, loss of respect and the sight of disappointment in your partners eyes!) but instead just gone down the tried and tested route? Well I think, maybe Mr PB may just wish that!

Now it's fair to say that all I ever wanted was a lovely rockery at the bottom of the garden in which to plant my mini alpines and ferns? Well it couldn’t be that much to ask for could it, not from my capable Northern husband?

So after much extensive and serious ‘man research’ (or procrastinating according to me) seems he made the outrageous discovery that the average rockery rock costs about £3 from the local garden centre! As an engineer and closet ‘tight git’ he rapidly estimated that the 50 rocks required for said rockery would cost £150 of our hard-earned cash! In all honesty he’s not miserly, but he does like to shop around and grab a deal so off he went to Google ‘rockery stones’ while announcing that any money saved could go towards a new sun lounger for me, in which to relax whilst admiring my new rockery.