I'm Glad It Was Me!

I know it's been AGES since I've blogged! So to inspire me I decided to read through some of the stories my daughter has written, she's 10yrs old . I've published a couple of hers before and thought I'd share this latest one, she wrote about our rescue dog. The story below was her entry into this years 500 words competition for BBC Radio 2. It is the second time she's entered and the second time she's come nowhere! But hey, maybe it'll be third time lucky in 2014?!

I’m Glad It Was Me!

Hello! My name is Kip, I’m a Border Collie and this is my true story . . .

It was just another day at the dog’s home. Waking up again, at the usual time to Elvis next door howling his head off. It’s not his fault though, it’s just what his breed does. I started to prepare myself for the parade of families, who would soon pass by, looking for their new best friend. I went through my checklist, cute puppy dog eyes . . . check, one ear straight, one ear floppy . . . check, sad looking face . . . check. Oh and also, I licked all of my fur, twice, to make it sparkly clean. Then reality hit me that it will probably be the same old story, that all of the lovely looking families just walk straight past me and take one of the posh dogs like a cockadoodle poo or something. It’s not my fault I’m an energetic sheep dog, who needs hours of walking each day.

In they came, one by one, past they went, one by one. Then finally, it happened, a family stopped! But then walked past. But then came back! I pricked up one ear and tilted my head, irresistibly cute to any dog lover. They were saying how they loved that I had one ear straight and one ear floppy and how cute my sad looking face was and my cute puppy dog eyes. Practice makes perfect I thought! THUMP! THUMP! The beat of my heart was overpowering my whole body with excitement. I had never had a second viewing before! Keep calm and carry on I whispered to myself, as my hopes rose. But it was no use. In case you didn’t know, dogs are pants at playing it cool, we wear our hearts on our paws, unlike cats. HOW DO THEY DO IT?

Suddenly, my tail started to lash uncontrollably from side to side, then I jumped up at the bars without even realising. They looked perfect for me, one full size human and two small humans all loving my gorgeous look. Then my heart skipped a beat as they started talking about ‘Dad’. ‘Will Dad like him?’ ‘What will Dad say if we take him home?’ ‘Dad said we should get a small, posh dog that doesn’t need much walking’. Who is this Dad? I thought. Do I want to go and live with Dad?

Then it finally happened! ‘We’ll take him!’ they announced happily. There was no option but for me to run madly around the cage, tail wagging ridiculously, silly noises coming from my mouth, jumping at the bars. That was as cool as I could get!

Anyway, as I’m sat here writing this story, today with Dad annoying me by constantly stroking me and wanting to play with me, one thing keeps going round my mind.
When this family came to the dog shelter that day and adopted a dog, I’m glad it was me!

The Dentist Who Is Not Allowed To Retire!

Well seeing as the last time I had a guest blogger and it went down well, Little Miss H asked me to post another of her stories! We found out a few weeks back that our dentist is retiring, which is dreadful! We actually enjoy going to see him, which is undoubtedly the mark of a truly great dentist, I'm sure you'll agree!

So inspired by the
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio2/500words/2012/ writing competition and a desire to let our beloved dentist know how much we appreciate him, Little Miss H wrote him this story.....

The Dentist Who Is Not Allowed To Retire!

This story is about my kind dentist, Mr Brieslin, who is about retire. I have known him for nearly ten years. I was even going to see him when I was in my mum’s tummy and when I was a baby with no teeth! My dad has been going to see him for all of his life as well. He is extremely kind and never hurts your teeth. He has grey hair and blue eyes. He wears a special dentist’s jacket, which is white. I think he is about sixty but I am not sure and he is about to retire, but I don’t think he is older enough! I WILL MISS HIM LOTS! No one else will be as good as him.

Before I go to the dentist I always brush my teeth to make them extra clean. When most people go to the dentist they are scared, but I’m not. Whenever I go to see Mr Brieslin I am not scared one bit! I wait in the waiting room with my mum and I read the books and play with the toys. The receptionist there has dark brown hair and we are very good friends with her. She always smiles. My mum always talks to her when we are waiting. When the receptionist says that it is our turn to go up, I have to drag my mum away from her to stop talking. It’s like a mother’s meeting!

Mr Brieslin’s chair turns into a bed and I lie on it. My sister and me always fight about who gets to go first! My mum makes us take turns. When you lie on the chair/bed and Mr Brieslin looks at your teeth you can see up his nostrils. His nostrils are very hairy like my dad’s chest. I tried to count them once but after 87 I lost count! It makes me laugh so much that I end up giggling when Mr Brieslin is trying to look at my teeth. Mr Brieslin has special instruments to check my teeth with (not musical instruments!) Whilst Mr Brieslin is checking my teeth he says all different letters like this q f y j I m d h and I think he is talking all jibber jaberish. Once Mr Brieslin has finished checking my teeth he gives me a sticker. He never ever forgets to give me one! Mr Brieslin is all ways smiling! He has lovely teeth. I often wonder who his dentist is?

When my sister needed braces Mr Brieslin took three of her teeth out and it didn’t hurt her one bit. She said he was the best dentist in the whole wide world! That is another reason why I will miss him. I don’t know what will happen when I need teeth taking out? I wonder what he will do when he has finished being a dentist?

I wonder if he will miss me? PLEASE DON’T RETIRE MR BRIESLIN!

Thank you for keeping my teeth FAB!

On My Birthday

The lovely http://diaryofalagosmum.com/on-my-birthday tagged me in this new Birthday meme (created by Kate at The Five Fs). All you have to do is give a whole load of facts based on the day you were born. This is where Wikipedia comes in handy!
So... Without further ado...


When is your birthday?  December 17th 1971

Pick three people who share your birthday and share what you know about them.
Paula Radcliffe, English runner, runs marathons in long white socks which I think help her to run faster!
Jacqueline Wilson, English author, whose books both of my girls have adored, but I find sometimes sad!
Tommy Steele, English singer and actor, oh dear God!!

Is anyone listed as being born on the same day (and year) as you? What do you know about them?
1971 – Alan Khan, South African radio & TV presenter, I know NOTHING about this guy!

List three people who died on your birthday and share what you know about them.
James Hazeldine, English actor (b. 1947)
James Hazeldine (4 April 1947 – 17 December 2002) was a British film, stage and television actor. He was born in Salford, Lancashire.He was best known for his television appearances in London's Burning in which he played Mike "Bayleaf" Wilson from 1986 to 1996. He also directed some episodes. This is quite sad as I used to love London's Burning and I used to live near Salford (although I'm not sad I now don't !)

List three notable events that happened on your birthday.
1718 Great Britain declares war on Spain.
1903 The Wright Brothers make their first powered and heavier-than-air flight in the Wright Flyer at Kitty Hawk, North Carolina.
1989  The first episode of television series The Simpsons, "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire", airs in the United States.


Tell us about a holiday that falls on your birthday.
National Day (Bhutan)  The National Day is a designated date on which celebrations mark the nationhood of a nation or non-sovereign country. This nationhood can be symbolized by the date of independence, of becoming republic or a significant date for a patron saint or a ruler (birthday, accession, removal, etc.). Often the day is not called "National Day" but serves and can be considered as one. The National Day will often be a national holiday.


I am tagging the following to share with us what happened on their birthdays!
http://stitchesandstretchmarks.wordpress.com/
http://www.thesardinetin.com/
http://lifeisapileofironing.blogspot.co.uk/


(Sorry if you've already been tagged!)

Don't forget to link up at The Five Fs

 

Teen Toddlers !

Miss C or The Hulk?

The other day the very sweet Rhiannon from http://ahellofawoman.blogspot.com/ happened to tweet me this 'ooooooh, how do the teen years compare with the baby years?' Now she was merely asking an innocent question and please for one minute don't think I was giggling at her.... because I truly wasn’t! But when I read her tweet I cackled so loudly with irrepressible laughter, that Doris the cat awoke from her cat nap with a start, sporting a bottle brush tail of shock and fear! I suppose I just felt a sense of Oh God you really don't wanna know! Rhiannon bless her (Buffyness!) had unknowingly provided me with a troubling dilemma? How on earth should I answer her tweet? Should I be honest and risk spooking her, thus possibly taking the 'happy edge' off her next 12 years or so of parenting? You see her little ones are well.... little and precious and I wouldn't like to be responsible for any feelings of dread, whilst she waits for them to morph from TWA (Toddlers With Attitude) to TWA (Teens With Attitude) ! Or maybe I could sugar coat the reality, water down the truth and basically lie about how great it is once the little ankle biters grow up? You see thinking about it there really isn't much difference between the toddler years and the teen years. Even the acronym is the same! (Acronym is the property of Melissa from http://www.istillwaveatplanes.blogspot.com/ btw).

Oh bum cheeks! What to do? I could ignore Rhiannon's Innocent question?

However never being one to shy away from a 'challenge' and after a long, hard think I've pretty much decided to tell it as it is! But I urge you to remember that I'm far from a 'Teen' expert. I only own one teen and well to be honest she's always been a pest! So whilst what I am about to tell you is true, it's only my experience and there are NO typical teenagers so yours may well be totally different...oh bobbins the lying has already begun...

So when my squishy little bundle of baby girl was born, looking like a chewed up, spat out toffee, it will come as no surprise to you that I immediately fell in love with her. And of course I've loved her unconditionally ever since but by God she was a challenging baby, toddler, junior and now nearly 17yrs old she's still got 'character' (that's a polite way of saying she's a pain in the ar*se)!

So here you are, this goes out to all you hardworking, loving parents who are simply trying to do the best job possible raising your kids. It's not advice, simply my observations!

Sleepless Nights!

Well we all expect sleepless nights with a baby and young toddler, it's the way life is! There's the feeding, teething, night terrors, moving from a cot to a 'big' bed and many simply unexplained reasons why they wake you up! With my teenager Miss C, it's pretty much the same! Whilst Miss C doesn't necessarily require my close presence during the night, she stills keeps me awake. She's developed a nocturnal sleeping pattern of staying up until the early hours of the morning, tapping on her laptop, texting, watching TV and BBM'ing! The constant low humming noises resonating from her bedroom are not conducive to my drifting peacefully into sleep. I've been known to sit bolt up right in bed convinced the humming is a swarm of killers bees out to kill me. We have tried removing said items from her bedroom, it's just they seem to slip silently back in under the cover of darkness?

Even worse than the above, are the occasions when she's out at a party and if it's my turn to ferry her and a bunch of her mates home, it means staying up way past my 10.30pm bedtime curfew. It involves driving through the streets at un godly hours, following Homer Simpson (Mr PB voice of choice for the Sat Nav) in my pj's and NO MAKE UP! Or even if she's getting a lift home, I just don't settle until I hear her key in the door and summon her to my bedroom, to show me she can still walk in a straight line, thus proving she hasn't been drinking more than the thimble full of alcohol we now allow her to have!

Once she's asleep, so am I, but then comes the morning debacle that is getting her up and with it, all the stress that ensues. I know, I know it isn't strictly my responsibility to get her up out of bed and ready for college, but if she misses the bus then it is me who has to take her. If I refuse to drive the 30-min round trip there and back it would be 'my' fault that she couldn't get to lessons, especially as my car is sitting idle on the drive!

Endless Washing!

Babies are known to create mountains of washing and ironing. There are nappies, sick stained, dribbled on, wee soaked clothes and bibs! Babies often need changing 2-3 times a day! Step forward Miss C.... she also requires multiple outfits, not being able to wear the same clothes for college more than once a week...it's illegal apparently? Oh and there's the myriad of bras requiring different strap combinations for different types of top! When I was a teen I had two bras, one on, one in the wash. She also owns the teens staple item of clothing for 2012, a must have 'onesie'. Which is basically a big babygrow complete with feet, which Miss C changes into as soon as her feet cross the front door...and so she remains snug and cosy and comfy buttoned into it until the next morning! It seems a tad lazy.... don’t you think?

All this creates masses of washing (although in the interest of self development I now make Miss C iron her own clothes), and coupled with fact that she's too damn lackadaisical to take her clothes off and hang them back up, well my washing basket becomes stuffed with garments that don't honestly need washing. Still it's the easiest and quickest option for her to dump them there I guess!

Teaching Language Skills!

As a new parent I spent hours of my precious, valuable time teaching my little rug rat to form words and communicate.... after all it made life so much easier for us when she was able to convey her needs. Oh and how smug did it make me feel when my toddler seemed to have an above average vocabulary? So when she turned 13yrs old and lost her ability to speak properly, it became somewhat frustrating! As a normal previously understood child Miss C developed the language of an entirely different species? She spoke using only slang words, words that no longer seem to mean their original meanings; with random lists of letters strung together apparently making new words and text speak that nestled comfortably amongst incoherent grunts. These were all used to form rather short sentences. This new language can only ever truly be understood by other teens and only aids the already widening gap between teen and parent! However after nearly four years studying this language, I'm fairly fluent, I may even go, as far as to say I'm bilingual! Although the thing is whilst I can understand Miss C, I'm not entirely sure what other teens are often saying? It's like the way a parent of a toddler can only really understand his or her own child's gobbledegook!

Answering And Fighting Off (with a shitty stick!) A Constant Barrage Of Pointless Questions!

Oh how toddles love to express their opinions, likes and dislikes and enjoy making themselves heard. The most common words shouted repeatedly and VERY LOUDLY being NO! and WHY! Equally irritating and soul destroying singular words which often require much more than a one word response. Teens are exactly the same, although they do tag a few extra words on, just cause they can! Here are some of Miss C's favourites...

'Why won't you pay for my diving lessons, 1st year insurance and then buy me a car to drive to college'?

'Why do I have to be in by 11.30pm on a college night...nobody else does '?

'Why do I have to iron my own stuff, make my bed, put my plates in the dishwasher?'

'NO I'm not coming out with you, I have college work to finish! (translated as, you're my parents and therefore hideously embarrassing and to be seen with you with actually wreck my life....)

'NO I don't expect you to pick up after me' (although I know you will cause you have 'Mother' OCD and would spontaneously combust if a wet towel stayed on the floor for more than a nano second)

There are tonnes more but to be honest even though she's not actually here right now saying them, my ears are still starting to bleed listening to her voice inside my head!

Tantrums, Sulks and Feet Stamping!

Ooh how us parents love the Terrible Two's! A famous yet natural and fully expected stage of parenting we all experience right? Well even if you do manage to negotiate this challenging phase and smugly glide through the next 6-8 years or so...don't bask in the sunshine for too long! Teens are world experts at throwing a paddy/strop/or sulk at the drop of a hat. Miss C can be fine and dandy one minute and then without warning mutate into the Incredible Hulk, complete with green skin, ripped jeans and dodgy hair! The cause could be anything from serious (being grounded, having to pick her younger sister up from school), to the less serious, (chicken again for tea, no clean tights or being asked to change a toilet roll)

Babies and toddlers can often be selfish, emotionally draining and repetitive...add to that sarcastic, dismissive and immature and you have a ‘Teen’!

Eating Out!

I love eating out but when my kids were little it was always an experience that carried an undercurrent of tension. No matter how well prepared I thought I was, jam packing my bag with toys, wet wipes, plastic spoons, rice cakes, pureed food, bibs, dummies etc I could NEVER be sure the meal would run smoothly. Eating out with a teen is yes you've guessed it not dissimilar, well at least they carry their own paraphernalia. Necessary items to take are i.pods, Blackberry's, kindle, headphones, star flower capsules to administer, in case of emergency hormone re- balancing (Miss C not me) and Kalms! Oh and a hearing aid and translator for when she's mumbling under her breath cause she's seriously bored now and asking if we have to order pudding, as Hollyoaks is about to start and she wants to leave. I put my foot down at the risk of 'ruining her life' and calmly tell her we're not ready to leave. She then starts eyeing up the fit bar staff and flicking her hair like 'Miss Piggy' in a flirtatious manner! What with the stress of it all, I loose my appetite for pudding, we leave, she gets to watch Hollyoaks and I down half a bottle of Kalms mixed with rum!

Phew! So OK I'm sorry I seem to have made living with a teen sound like hell on earth! Which any sensible well-rounded realistic parent knows it isn't. Remember all the melt your heart moments you experienced with your little ones, well you still get those when they're teens. Honest! Miss C can be thoughtful, funny, makes a fab cup of tea and if bribed can be an excellent on site babysitter for her sister! Oh and the best bit about owning a teen? ... the fun you can have embarrassing them and getting your own back! It's so, so easy...simply loiter near them when their mates are round, dance when in public with them and pick them up from work outside the front door! Miss C requests that I park a respectable 5 minutes walk away, I never do Mwahahaha. Is this because she doesn't want her mates to see me?

So I hope I've given you an insight into just how similar the baby/toddler years are to the teen years. I hope I haven't frightened any of you into moving out on the eve of your child's 13th Birthday, although I would recommend erecting an emergency shed at the bottom of the garden! Hey and who's to say your own teen will be anything like mine? Your teen may be a mold breaker, the 'perfect teen' the one you can travel the world with and show off to other parents! If you are or become the owner of this illusive creature PLEASE TELL ME, as I've yet to see one and I reckon they're as rare as hen's teeth!